Beatings

Melissa: It's quiet down here.
Me: Yeah, I threatened the girls - No bedtime books if they were loud.
Melissa: Nice. I just threaten with beatings.
Me: Ha! Haley, does Mommy beat you?
Haley: Beat me at what?
Me: No, does Mommy beat you, when I'm at work?
Haley: No, we don't even race.

Coco-not

Haley: Can we crack the coconut?
Sophie: Yeah! Can we crack the coconut?!
Me:Ok, let me get a screwdriver.
(ten minutes later...)
Me: Anybody want any more coconut?
Haley: No.
Sophie: No!
Me: Ok, I'm throwing it away now...
Sophie: Goodbye disgusting coconut!

Toilet paper

Sophie: If that roll of toilet paper looks a little bit wrinkly, it's because I dropped it in the toilet, and now it dried.
Me: Oh! And did you get it out yourself?
Sophie: Yep. And if it looks a little bit yellow, it's because there was pee in there.

Hamster

Me: It's time to clean up your room. Are those clothes on the floor clean or dirty?
Sophie: They're dirty.
Me: OK, where do dirty clothes go?
Sophie: In the dirty hamster.