Wii Boxing

Me: You girls want to play Wii Boxing?
Haley: Yeah!
Sophie: Yeah! But I don't know how to play.
Me: Ok, I'll show you. You move like this to punch them in the head. And you move like this to punch them in the stomach.
Haley: And how do you punch them in the nuts?
Me: Umm...you can't. And don't say "nuts" anymore.

Thankful

Sophie: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for our family. Thank you for pools so people can swim. Thank you for life jackets and inner tubes so we don't drown. Thank you for mouths so we don't have to find another way to eat. Amen.

I'd drive it

Sophie: Mommy, why does that car sound like that?
Melissa: It's a sports car. It's supposed to be loud.
Sophie: Wow! What's it called?
Melissa: It's a Camero.
Sophie: Hey, do you think we could get a Camero van?

Magician

Sophie: How did that guy put toilet paper in his mouth and it came out all different colors?
Melissa: He was a magician. He could do all sorts of magic things.
Sophie: Yeah. I try it and it never works.
Melissa: Is that why I keep finding little bits of soggy toilet paper by the sink?
Sophie: Never mind!

Beatings

Melissa: It's quiet down here.
Me: Yeah, I threatened the girls - No bedtime books if they were loud.
Melissa: Nice. I just threaten with beatings.
Me: Ha! Haley, does Mommy beat you?
Haley: Beat me at what?
Me: No, does Mommy beat you, when I'm at work?
Haley: No, we don't even race.

Coco-not

Haley: Can we crack the coconut?
Sophie: Yeah! Can we crack the coconut?!
Me:Ok, let me get a screwdriver.
(ten minutes later...)
Me: Anybody want any more coconut?
Haley: No.
Sophie: No!
Me: Ok, I'm throwing it away now...
Sophie: Goodbye disgusting coconut!

Toilet paper

Sophie: If that roll of toilet paper looks a little bit wrinkly, it's because I dropped it in the toilet, and now it dried.
Me: Oh! And did you get it out yourself?
Sophie: Yep. And if it looks a little bit yellow, it's because there was pee in there.

Hamster

Me: It's time to clean up your room. Are those clothes on the floor clean or dirty?
Sophie: They're dirty.
Me: OK, where do dirty clothes go?
Sophie: In the dirty hamster.

It's a Banana

Haley: Let's play the banana game.
Sophie: OK! How do you play?
Haley: I ask questions, and you have to say "It's a banana".
Sophie: OK!
Haley: What's that yellow thing?
Sophie: It's a banana.
Haley: What's are you eating?
Sophie: It's a banana.
Haley: What's that thing on your head?
Spohie: It's a banana!
Haley: What's that thing sticking out of your ear?
Sophie: HA HA HA! It's a banana!
Haley: What do you comb your hair with?
Sophie: It's a banana!
Haley: What is that police man pointing at that bad guy?
Sophie: IT'S A BANANA! HA HA HA!

Nanna Who?

Melissa: Sophie, did you have fun at Jack's birthday party?
Sophie: Yeah! And Jack's Nanna Zoo was there, too!
Melissa: Who?
Sophie: Nanna Zoo. I think she is a zoo worker.
Melissa: Oh, you mean Jack's Nanna Sue!
Sophie: No! It's Nanna Zoo!
Melissa: She is Jack's grandma, and her name is Sue, and they call their grandma "Nanna", so she is Jack's Nanna Sue.
Sophie: Nanna Zoo.

Kayak

Sophie: Mommy! At the birthday party we wrapped a kayak!
Melissa: ...
Sophie: And candy came out!
Melissa: Do you mean you whacked a pinata?
Sophie: And candy came out!

Middle names

Me: Sophie, we were going to make your middle name "Loafie".
Melissa: Sophie Loafie!
Me: Haley, we were going to make your middle name "Bailey".
Haley: Haley Bailey!
Me: And we were going to make Ella's middle name "Funt".
Haley: Ella-Funt! Ha ha ha!
Sophie: No, we were going to make Ella's name Crazy Bam!

Our brains

Sophie: I love our brains.
Me: I love our brains, too. What made you think of that?
Sophie: What?
Me: What made you say you love our brains?
Sophie: My BRAIN made me think of it! I love our brains!

Dental Soup

Sophie: Mmmm yum! Dental Soup!
Me: That's lentil soup.
Sophie: Ummm, I know. I just like to call it that.
Me: Dental is like a dentist. Like a dental office where the dentist works.
Sophie: But if a dentist made it, then it would be called dental soup.

Medicine dropper

Melissa: Sophie, Ella's medicine dropper is on the table, will you get it?
Sophie: OK... Here you go.
Melissa: Thanks!
Sophie: I didn't squirt anything on the TV today.
Melissa (noticing medicine sprayed on the TV): Sophie! I am not happy!

Bedtime song

Sophie: Sing the bumblebee song
Me: I don't know the bumblebee song. 
Sophie: Just make it up. And make it a mean one. 
Me: A mean one?
Sophie: Yeah, make it about a mean bumblebee. 
Me: There's a bumblebee in that tree. He likes to sting me. But i love him and he's my friend. He'll be my friend untill the end.
Sophie: That was a good one. 

Jail again

(Driving in the van)
Melissa: Sophie, turn around and put your seatbelt on right!
Sophie: Or else we have to go to jail?
Melissa: The kids don't go to jail, only the mommies have to go to jail.
Sophie: Well, we'd have to find a new mommy. And Daddy could make us pancakes. And the new mommy would probably make better Hamburger Helper.

Crows

Sophie: What do crows do?
Melissa: They eat stuff.
Sophie: And wacky ones can cut you open!!

Ants

(outside on the front porch)
Sophie: Can I pour me some more soda?
Me: Ok, but be careful don't spill it, or ants will come.
Sophie: Why?
Me: Because ants love sticky soda.
Sophie: WILL ANTS GET ON MY FACE!?!
Me: No, ants won't get on your face.

Candy off the stairs

Melissa: Haley, what did you just eat off of the stairs?
Haley: A Nerd.
Me: Ewww. When was the last time we had Nerds?
Haley: Ummm...
Melissa: Oh gross! Some Nerds flew out of the vacuum today! That's the grossest thing I've seen in weeks.

Trying on clothes

(In the Old Navy dressing room)
Melissa: Here, try these pants on.
Sophie: Ok, I'm gonna take off my underwear so I can try them on with a naked butt. 
Melissa: No! We don't try on clothes we might not buy with a naked bottom.
Sophie: Okee. 

Pam

Sophie: I wish you had named me something else, I don't like the name Sophie. I feel "Pamish", call me Pam.

Cell phone

Haley: How old will I be when I get a cell phone?
Me: When you are sixteen and start to drive.
Melissa: So if you have a flat tire or something, you can call us.
Me: Or you might be running late.
Melissa: Or you might get lost.
Sophie: Or you might see a buffalo. They are big and mean and hairy!

Freeze tag

Sophie: Mommy! Can we play freeze tag tomorrow?
Melissa: Well, Daddy will be at work and Haley will be at school.
Sophie: Awww, can we play anyway?
Melissa: But if it's just you and me then I would tag you and you'd be fr... Sure, we can play!

Three day old snow

Sophie: Jack and me were eating... Ummm... Jack was eating old yucky snow.
Me: Who was eating old yucky snow?
Sophie: Jack was.
Me: But you said "Jack and me".
Sophie: No, I was going to tell you something else. And then I told you about the snow.
Me: Sophie, did you eat old yucky snow?
Sophie: (shakes her head no)
Me: Sophie, did you eat old yucky snow?
Sophie: Hmph. Yes.

Sissy's lotion

Me: Sophie, what is that all over your hands?
Sophie: Sissy's lotion.
Me: That's gross. Where did you get that?
Sophie: Sissy's bathroom.
Me: Show me.
Sophie: OK... See, there.
Me: That's not lotion, that's glue! You put glue all over your hands?
Sophie: I thought it was lotion.
Me: What did you think when it got all dry and sticky?
Sophie: I dunno.

Ella's daughters

Sophie: Will Ella drive her daughters to school someday, too?
Melissa: I don't know, probably.  
Sophie: Yeah, and she will name one of her daughters Blowfee.

Good mommies

Sophie: When I'm a mommy, I'm going to make cookies with my daughters, too. 
Melissa: Good!
Sophie: Because I'm going to be a good mommy just like you!

Popcorn

Sophie: Grandma Jan knows how to make popcorn.
Me: Yep, I think all adults know how to make popcorn.
Sophie: Well, at first she didn't know how, but then she learned.
Me: Oh, yeah?
Sophie: Yeah. Maybe she learned at popcorn school!

Cookies

Melissa: Ok, now we have to put the cookie dough in the refrigerator.
Sophie: Why?
Melissa: So it can get colder so we can cut out shamrocks.
Sophie: Why?
Melissa: Because the dough has to be cold so you can roll it and cut it out. 
Sophie: Well, you know what they say...
Melissa: No, what do they say?
Sophie: That if you don't put it in the fridge you can just put some water on it.
Melissa: No, they don't say that. That won't work.
Sophie: Oh, OK.

Clock

Haley: We're learning to tell time on a manly clock.
Me: What?
Haley: At school, we're learning to tell time on a manly clock.
Me: What is a manly clock?
Haley: You know, like a clock in the living room.
Me: I think you mean a manual clock. Like a clock with hands?
Haley: Oh, yeah, a manual clock.

Why I always put the seat down and leave the lid up

Sophie: Daddy, I have to go pee-pee and somebody put the toilet lid down!
Me: OK, just put the lid up and go.
Sophie: But I'm running out of time!
Me: Just put the lid up and go!
Sophie: BUT I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!
Me: You could have been in there and done by now! Just put the lid up and sit down!
Sophie: AAAAAGGHHH! FINE!

Dates

Haley: Why are we going to Grandma's house?
Melissa: So you guys can stay with Grandma while Daddy and I go on a date.
Haley: Married people don't go on dates. 
Melissa: Yes they do. Mommy and Daddy still like to spend time together, just us. 
Haley: I thought that's what your anniversary is for.

Mustache

Me: Sophie, have you been drinking orange Crystal Light?
Sophie: How can you tell?
Me: Because you have an orange mustache.
Sophie: Yeah, like Crazy Pa-Pa's?
Me: No, his is brown. And made of hair.
Sophie: Made of hair? Why is it made of hair?
Me: Mustaches are made of hair, you know, like whiskers.
Sophie: I know.

Say what?

Sophie:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this food.
Please help us to bless our food.
Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Ella and Me.
Please help us to have a baby brother.
Name of Jesus Christ,
Amen

Sophie wakes up late one day

Melissa: Sophie, do you want to try on your new swimsuit?
Sophie: Yes! Can we go swimming now?
Melissa: No.
Sophie: 'Cause Daddy is at work?
Melissa: Yes, and Haley is at school.
Sophie: WHAT! You took her to school and left me here?!
Melissa: No, silly, Daddy took her to school this morning.
Sophie: Oh, ok.

Yelling from the bathroom

Sophie: AAAAAHHHHHHGGG!!!
Melissa: Sophie, are you Ok?
Sophie: Stupid toilet!
Melissa: What's the matter?
Sophie: The stupid toilet made me get pee-pee on my monkey jammies!

Jail

Haley: I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
Melissa: Well, you have to. It's the law.
Haley: What will happen if I don't?
Melissa: Mommy and Daddy will have to go to jail.
Haley: ...for how long?

Dunk

(At the doctor's office)
Sophie: The last time we came here I dunked my head.
Me: You what?
Sophie: I had to dunk my head, the last time we came here. 
Me: Did the doctor have to put your head in something?
Sophie: No. 
Me: Then what did you dunk your head in?
Sophie: When you carried me through the door, I had to dunk my head. 
Me: Duck your head. You had to duck your head, not dunk it. 
Sophie: Oh, yeah!

Sparkles

Sophie: Mommy, is that a boy or a girl on TV?
Melissa: It's a boy.
Sophie: Why does that boy have sparkles on his shirt?
Melissa: Sometimes boys wear sparkles when they ice skate.
Sophie: Huh...

I'll have strawberry, please

Sophie: Haley, are you eating a Pop-Tart?
Haley: Yes.
Sophie: I want a Pop-Tart. Is it a poop one?
Haley: NO! It's strawberry.
Melissa: A what?
Sophie: A poop one!
Haley: IT'S STRAWBERRY!
Sophie: But does it help you go poop?
Melissa: Oh! You mean a fiber Pop-Tart! No, these are not fiber Pop-Tarts. They don't help you go poopie.
Sophie: Oh, good. I want one.

What were we talking about?

Sophie: Mommy, where is my white thing?
Melissa: It's on the computer desk in front of the printer.
Sophie: Huh?
Melissa: It's on the computer desk in front of the printer.
Sophie: What is?
Melissa: Your white thing.
Sophie: What white thing?

Time lapse

Sophie: When will we be home?
Melissa: In about five minutes.
Sophie: Ok, 1,2,3,4,5. Are we home?
Me: No, that was five seconds. Five minutes would be counting to sixty, five times.
Melissa: Or you could count to 300.
Sophie: Ok. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3.
Me: What are you doing, Soph?
Sophie: I'm counting to three hundred.

Gums

Haley: Mommy, does it hurt Ella's gums when she chews on her fingers?
Melissa: No, I guess not.
Sophie: Sissy, Ella is a baby, she can't have gums.
Haley: Yeah, she has gums.
Sophie: NO SHE DOESN'T! BABIES CAN'T HAVE GUMS!
Haley: YES SHE DOES!
Melissa: Sophie, not "gum", but "gums", like where your teeth grow out.
Sophie: ELLA CAN'T HAVE GUMS!
Haley: ELLA HAS GUMS!
Melissa: Girls! That's enough!
Haley: Ella has gums.
Sophie: No she doesn't.

Technology is a mystery

Sophie: Daddy! Mommy got me a new swimsuit! Well, actually, she copied it on the laptop.
Me: You mean she ordered a swimsuit and they will mail it to us?
Sophie: Yeah, she ordered it.

Love for all

Sophie: Mommy, I loved Disney World.
Melissa: Good, I'm so glad you had fun.
Sophie: And you know what else I love?
Melissa: Let me guess. Umm... Me?
Sophie: I love our whole family. Even Ella.

Just one should be plenty

Sophie: Daddy, can I have tongues?
Me: Um, what?
Sophie: Tongues, can I have some tongues?
Me: What are you talking about?
Sophie: My tummy hurts, I need some tongues.
Me: Oh, you mean Tums.
Sophie: Yeah, Tums. I need some Tums.

Which of the seven dwarves is this?

Haley: What time is it?
Me: 9:30 a.m.
Haley: Can we just go back to the hotel for the rest of the day?

I'm not scared

(Five seconds before Tower of Terror "liftoff")
Haley: Are you sure they made this ride safe?

The answer is no

Sophie: Daddy, why did that guy eat fire?
Me: Because it's his cool trick.
Sophie: Can WE eat fire?
Me: No.

Are we there yet?

Sophie: Why are we still in this STINKIN' AIRPORT?!!!

It's all relative

Me: Haley, what was in the card from Grandma?
Haley: Money! Twenty dollars!
Me: Wow! How much do you have now?
Haley: Sixty dollars! I'm a rich kid!

Hopping

Sophie (jumping up in the booth at Planet Sub): Hop! Hop! Hop!
Me: Sophie! Sit down! We don't jump at a restaurant!
Sophie: But why is this restaurant jumping up and down?
Me: What?
Melissa: What?
Sophie: You guys said this restaurant was hoppin'.

Compliment

Me: Hi, Soph!
Sophie: Daddy, where were you?
Me: I was getting a haircut.
Sophie: Ooh. It looks pretty!
Me: Thanks!

Adjustment

Me: Ok Sophie, are you ready for bed? Let's sing a song.
Sophie: Daddy, could you adjust something?
Me: Adjust what?
Sophie: Adjust a song.
Me: Adjust a song? How do you adjust a song?
Sophie: You know, adjust some songs and I pick one.
Me: Oh! You mean suggest something! Yes I can suggest some songs and you pick one.
Sophie: Ok, good.

Just because

Me: Sophie, what are you...
Sophie: Nothing!
Me: Did you just put something down your pants?
Sophie: No!
Me: What is it? Come here.
Sophie: Hmmph.
Me: Why did you put a handful of Q-tips down your pants?
Sophie: Because I wanted to take them to my room.
Me: Don't put Q-tips in your pants any more, OK?
Sophie: (sigh) OK.

Starving

Haley (finishing her prayer before bed): ...and please help me not get dehydrated. Amen.
Me: Amen.
Haley: Oh, wait, I forgot to say something!
Me: OK, go ahead and say it.
Haley: And please help me not starve tonight.

Always and forever

Sophie: I love you, Daddy.
Me: I love you, too, Sophie.
Sophie: Daddy, I love you ALWAYS!

Smell my finger

Sophie (holding up her finger): Daddy, smell this!
Me: No. Eeww, what is that?
Sophie: Smell it!
Me: Is that a booger?
Sophie: No, it's not a booger. It doesn't even smell like my nose.
Me: I don't care, I'm not smelling it.
Sophie: Aww...

Brain

Sophie: Hey Ella, how's your brain?
Melissa: How's her what?
Sophie: How's her brain? Do babies have brains?
Melissa: Of course they do.
Sophie: Oh, good.

Time

Sophie: Hey Mommy! Today is today, and tonight is tonight, and morning time is morning!

7:30 am

(Haley is talking to herself as she often does in the morning)
Sophie: Who are you talking to?
Haley: Nobody, get out of here.
Sophie: Who are you talking to?
Haley: Nobody! Get out of my room!
Sophie: You're talking to my imaginary friend and I don't want you to!
Haley: Imaginary friends aren't real.
Sophie: DON'T TALK TO MY IMAGINARY FRIEND!

Sophie-5:30 pm

Sophie (eating BBQ ribs): Why is it on this little wood stick?
Me: That's a bone.
Sophie: Oh. (chomp chomp chomp)